A small love note, k

I am sorry to have to cancel our plans tomorrow, k.

I really wanted to see you.  I really enjoy all the time we spend together, especially when I get to see your smile.  I really wanted to see you, and to hold you and to feel you next to me.  I don't know what it is about you, but nobody has ever been able to make me feel the way that you do.  I don't know why, but when you just look at me, even for a fleeting moment, my heart races, the blood starts pumping, the adrenaline gets up and I have to fight to stay in control and keep myself from taking you into my arms, kissing you long, kissing you hard, kissing you like you've never been kissed before.  Don't get me wrong.  There is so much more to our relationship other than that. I've never felt such a strong emotional bond with anyone or anything as I do with you.  The questions you ask of me force me to the ends of my intellect, and force me to quite often examine my moral standing, and my beliefs.  I know you don't realize all of this. I know you don't think that talking to you is anything but silly and boring, but that couldn't be further from the truth.  Truth is, I love talking to you.  You challenge me intellectually, you give me insight into you and who you are.  You entertain me with jokes and stories and throw in enough gossip to keep it interesting.  Best of all, you almost always end by saying you love me.  What more can I ask for?  To be honest, you could call, tell me you love me and hang up, and I'd still be happy.

But the thing I love most is holding you.  I've always been a kind of affectionate kind of guy.  You noticed too?  What gave it away?  I only wish I got to hold you more.  It seems like every time I get a good hold going, you up and change positions and interrupt me.  Sheesh, the nerve of some people.  I'm only kidding, but I do wish I got to hold you more often.  I think I've finally found someone with whom I can have a complete relationship.  Do you want to know who she is??  I have a feeling I'm going to get hit for that last sentence!

I can talk to you, you let me hold you, and you hold me back, you do the little things for me even though you don't know what they are.  You appreciate my cheese, you're beautiful, you have spirit, you are witty, funny and smart and on top of all that, you do it for me!  I love you so much.  All of you.  The way you love me is the stuff legends are made of.

Lovingly,
J

i am a terrible blogger

The title says it all;  I am a terrible blogger.  I know I am a terrible blogger.  I think part of it is because I know that no one is reading this blog.  I write for myself.  I write to etch the feelings and moments of my life into the universe, with the hopes of growing and learning from my moments. 

I am a terrible blogger.

I always wonder....if I knew someone was reading my words, would I be more diligent about writing?  Would I censor my feelings and my confessions?  Would I be more open if someone would offer me a word of support?  A word of shared experience?  I don't know.

So much has gone on in my life these past few months, years since I started writing sporadically.  I don't even know how to catalog the events of my life in my own mind/heart, let alone here in the universe.

All I know is that it is always here for me when I am ready to write about my experiences.  It is always here waiting to listen to all that I have to confess. 

For that, I am grateful.