Dear God, what AM I doing?
I have a job. Is it my passion? I don't think so. Does it bring me personal happiness and satisfaction? Yes, it does. So what does that mean? Everybody is always telling me to follow my passion, but what if my passion is eating cake? How do I follow that? And don't suggest baker because I don't have the stamina for baking and decorating a cake.
I sat down this afternoon and read old love letters from high school, university and graduate school. All of this love and pondering and disappointment. People who have said they have learned, they have grown, they have loved and moved on. I was so different then, and I am so different now, and the one thing that I know is that I am still looking for purpose. I am still searching for the "mark" that I am supposed to be leaving on this earth.
Where is it? What is it supposed to be? For some people it is a financial goal. For others, it is family and children. But I guess I still don't know what it looks like for me.
A lover once sent me a drunken email almost 10 years ago and the words haunt me to this day,
"I can't promise that I'll grown those wings or keep this tarnished halo shined, but I'll never betray your trust, angel mine".
I feel like this myself. I cannot promise you, or you, or even you that I will always be the perfect creature you think I am, or the image I project out to the world. But if you stay with me, if you stick with this rough ride, I will never betray your trust. I will always try to become a better version of myself.
If you let me....
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