Dearest k

Dear k,

I'm sorry.  These last few days have been hard on you, I know.  I'm sorry.  You've got enough to deal with, without me adding to it.  It's just that sometimes I get to thinking about me and the thoughts aren't always good.  I sometimes get to thinking that I'm not good enough.  I'm real conservative and reserved and most people don't really like that.  Most people seem to think that if you're not talking constantly, there's something wrong.  I, however, spend lots of time not saying anything.  I've never been real popular, not that I really want to be, but what I'm saying is that I've never had a lot of friends. You on the other hand, are the complete opposite.  You are lively, people are drawn to you.  You have an aura and a magnetism that makes people want to be near  you.  I can't compare with that.  Not that I feel I have to, but do you see what I'm saying?  I've never been very good at the interpersonal relationship thing.  I just wonder if I'm good enough to keep you while I'm away.  I mean, do I have enough to keep you interested for so long?  I'm not worried about you running around on me, I'm worried about you losing interest.  I don't think I'm good enough to keep you interested when I'm not there, and that scares me to death.  I don't know if I can keep the flames from dying.  It's nothing about you.  It's about me and the fact that I've never had a relationship last for more than a year or so.  Knowing that, how can I expect to keep you? I guess a big part of the problem is that I've never ever felt good enough and I never heard it growing up.  I don't rely on others, it's just me.  I take care of myself.  Between this and moving around so much, I never get close to many people.  It's just that much easier to let go that way.  But now I'm faced with a situation where I absolutely had to get close to someone and don't want to let go, ever.  So I don't know what to do.  This is kinda new ground for me, so I have to apologize.  I'm not real sure how to deal with this, so I have kept it to myself, and well, it just kinda exploded the other day.  I'm also sorry about tonight. I meant nothing by it.

God you are so beautiful.

How do I do this?

J