Dearest k

Dearest k,

that still doesn't sound right, even though you are very dear to me.  I had a bit of time on my hands and wanted to stop and share my thoughts with you.  During these quiet moments that come too few and far in between, I talk to you in my head.  No, I'm not crazy.  I just miss talking to you.

How are you doing?  I hate seeing you like this.  I want so much for you to be happy.  Remember that time we drove down to the edge of the lake?  That was a great afternoon.  Rock hunting was fun, but I say we go around the bend next time.  Not like I'm not pretty close to being around the bend anyway.  I must agree with you, it was ever so choice.  The setting was great, we had the rocks (I like rocks), the water (I like water, especially those sparkly reflections), the sun (I like the sun) and great company (I loved the company).  Even though we didn't really go somewhere, just down the street, I really enjoyed being with you.

Please don't cry.  I wish I could be there so offer you some support.  But you know, any time you need an ear, a shoulder, or any other body part for that matter, I am here for you, I am in your heart.  If there is anything you need, don't hesitate to ask, just say the word and it's done.  I'm very serious about that.  I would move heaven and earth to get you what you need.  Please promise me one thing; please don't worry about me.  There is nothing to worry about.  I am in no danger whatsoever. Really.  I am untouchable.  (I know you're smiling at that line).  I just wish I could find a way to help you.  I know you said that if it made things easier for me, I could just walk away from this relationship and concentrate on what has to be done here.  Well, I won't exercise that option.  I've found what I want and if this is the price I must pay, so be it.  Truth is, I'm prepared to pay a much higher price for you.  If you were or are curious as to how I feel, there it is, you have it in writing now.  I have grown to love you, and am willing to do what is necessary to stay with you, as long as you will have me.  I don't know what else to say on this subject, besides that I will be there anytime, for as long as you want me.  I realize that things are going to be a wee bit difficult from now on (Southerners are masters of the understatement), but I'll take whatever I can get, because you're special.  You've even said that I risked my life for you already (remember that vicious puppy?), you can't easily top that!  I'm just sorry that we have to be apart like this.  I feel like it is my fault, I feel like you are being made to suffer because of the choices I've made.  I'm so sorry for that.  I don't ever want you to be hurt and I wish I could stop the pain.  I want for us to be able to get away from all of this to that cabin in the woods you dream about, with the dog, and even, God help me, the Volvo you've always been wanting.  What about a truck?  Could we get a truck instead??

I'm glad that we finally got a second to talk to each other, even if it was just for a second.  I look forward to talking to you.  Just hearing your voice makes me happy.  I wish it were under better circumstances though.

My parents are worried about you though.  They like you quite a bit.

Well, it's getting late and I should go.  But first there's one thing you should know.  Somewhere out there, there's a country boy who talks kinda funny, has terrible bow-legs, and small, ruined hands, who loves you.  I hope you have a good night.

lovingly,
J